Rite de passage

I am lying in an awkward position in a pitch darkness and tranquility. How longer should I wait?  Is anybody coming to rescue me? Just yesterday I have heard a male voice saying that I need to start packing my bags.I am uncertain what triggered it, but  I feel a forceful blow in my ribs and likewise follow. My body being pushed powerfully through a compacted corridor and I am determined to get out of this awkward situation.I am having a narrow escape and everything taking off speedily.Exhaustion overpowering, and I decide to close my eyes and take a well-deserved rest. I can hear loud voices "He is not breathing" "Call a code"  so I given a whack on my backside. I acknowledge throbbing sensation that I protest by screaming and all involved sigh in relief while someone else in the room starts sobbing. My first lesson in life is to "wail" full-mouthed if you think somebody bites one's nails because of you.

I had been around barely a few days and already  figured out principles of behaviour.I know that whimper and blubber bringing the food and the ear-splitting wailing will stimulate cuddling and kisses. It is troublesome and is energy depleting to make all this demands.On the other hand, I need to take care of myself.

I know today is a special day because mum dressed me in my best outfit. Smiling clean shaved young man that everybody call "well done David"  told me that I was going to have my "Brit Milah." What is that? I already heard about google but not sure how to use it. I hear appalling doorbell ringing and people appearing and touching each and everyone in their sight. I am on their high priority list, and I learn my next lesson that attention only good in moderation. The person of honour or " Kvater" also known as "Godfather" arrived, and his duty is to bring me to the "Mohel" that is  trained to practice circumcision.

The whole process of cutting my member or more precisely the foreskin takes less than a minute.A blessing and a prayer for my health read over the wine, and I am given a name. After the "Brit" completed a celebratory meal to praise God takes place, and  little Daniel left to his own devices.
Real feast takes place and guests start to compete who can tell the best circumcision joke. The winner was an old kind grandpa, and his jokes go like this:"A Rabbi was late for a golf game and became rather short tempered with several people whose phone calls kept delaying him.
The next day his secretary said:"Rabbi, several members of the congregation were upset with you when you cut them short yesterday."At that point, a man who had been sitting within earshot in the reception room got up and departed hurriedly."Who was that?" asked the Rabbi."Oh, that was Mr. Ruthenberg," she answered. "He wanted to speak to you about a circumcision for his son."